Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Needs v Wants

Sure, I've thought about this. I know the difference in life in general. But it's interesting to frame it within the bdsm lola-ville.

In my 24-7-3 recap, I noted that crying in scene and at the end of scene was liberating. He might have laughed at me as a suffering little girl, crying for the pain of labia clamps or doggie competition exhaustion. And then he would hold me after a scene when I'd sob as the only way to let all the endorphins and emotions release. But I made the comment in my recap: "Crying. I need it. You need it. Enough said."

His feedback on this statement was: "You have nothing whatsoever to do with thinking about my needs. I take care of them. Crying is something I enjoy a lot, but nothing more than that. Some of my partners never cry and I have no problem with that.

More widely I have wants and fancies, lots of them. The more one person can deliver, the more she interests me.

I am of course glad that crying is a need for you."

This has launched me into an exploration of need v want. As I said, I know what mine are in life in general, but in this special bdsm world? Not sure if you can read this link on FetLife without joining the group, but I'm in the middle of reading this. (Although right now I'm trying to pay attention to some bullshit about epistemic communities within diffusion of innovation and policy-making. Bleh.) Someone in this discussion linked over to The Submissive Guide website. I started the reading of this series and it's really rather trite and almost condescending in its simplicity. But it's got me thinking. And I'm going to spend some time exploring this in the blog.

For starters, I don't think crying is a need. I think it's a want and even a sub-want. But I do note a longing to cry when I haven't for a while, a want to cry at least once in a year. But is it a need? I've got to dig around here, and then start being more succinct in my use of words.

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