Meet Joe Black

For how terribly acted, for how long it runs, for the multiple and obvious goofs, for Brad Pitt's horrendous hair, for all these things - it's still a decent script.

There should be a remake soon. Less on the sap, more on the death, I bet. This plot is the same type of philosophical question we all have about the elements out of our control: nature (Anti-Christ), our obsessions (Little Children), mutants (X-Men), degrees of separation (Babel), beliefs (Angels and Demons), consciousness (The Matrix), and death (Meet Joe Black).

[I can't believe "dervish" came out of Anthony Hopkins' mouth. Like I can't believe "suborn" came out of Brad Pitt's.]



Bill: There's not an ounce of excitement, not a... whisper of a thrill. And this relationship has all the passion of a pair of titmice. I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to... sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be.

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.




Bill: You know, I got to thinking. With you here and seemingly occupied, how's your work going, I mean, elsewhere?

Joe: While you were shaving this morning, you weren't just shaving.

Bill: What do you mean?

Joe: You were hatching ideas, making plans, arriving at decisions, right?

Bill: Yeah, I guess so.

Joe: So you understand the concept. While part of you is busy doing one thing, another part of you is doing another, perhaps even attending to the problems of your work. Correct?

Bill: Of course.

Joe: So you understand the idea. Congratulations, Bill. Now multiply that by infinity, take that to the depths of forever, and you still will barely have a glimpse of what I'm talking about.




Joe: You're the poison, Drew. You've operated behind the scenes
to suborn the trust of a man... who has stamped you with his imprimatur of class, elegance and stature. I've had the opportunity to be witness to every kind and degree of deception. But Bill Parrish has been on the receiving end of machinations so Machiavellian... that it has rarely been my experience to encounter. And yet, he has combatted them stoically and selflessly, without revealing my identity. Had he violated the vow of secrecy he took, his task would have been far easier. He could have turned defeat into victory. But he is too honorable a man to have done that. Because of me, he has lost his work, his company, his reputation. So now, given these losses, I'm compelled to end the need for secrecy. The time has come to tell you who I am.

Something is brewing

Mid-life crisis?

I'll be 34 in 10 days.

Last month, I heard "Would?" by Alice in Chains on KEXP and promptly downloaded the studio album and the Unplugged album (latter rocks it).

Tonight, I'm watching "Singles" (1992).

I was 17 when it came out. And it's got Pearl Jam and Alice in it and features a love story and a "when I grow up" story that I imagined I'd have when I went off to college and then graduated.

I'm not sure what this all means to me - yet.

I guess I'll find out in a week or so.

Nada but Crap

Nothing at all interesting is happening.

Christmas Eve, I slaved and made 2 apple pies (which I keep automatically typing applie pies) and 2 vegetarian stuffings (which I am still eating since there were only 7 of us, and not 15 like I had dreamed). Great dinner with new and old friends. Lots of drinking and one embarrassing fart at 3am. I'm trying not to remember it.

I have left my apartment, since Friday 19th, a total of 3 times. Once to see the Italian. Once for Xmas dinner. Once for my friend's birthday out on the town. The rest of the time I've forced myself to at least take a walk around the block or do grocery shopping. I'm turning into Jabba the Hut. But seriously (which I've learned is spelled "srsly" in the www), my staycation (which I've learned is vacation-at-home) has been editing and uploading photos, acquiring new music (mostly from emusic.com, such as Pas Chic Chic, BBC Music Magazine Sampler, The Walkmen, Rodriguez, Bonobo, Heart, Ida Maria, The Pretenders, Pawel Osmolski, Black Mountain, Flying Lotus, The Cinematic Orchestra, Santogold, The Beatles, Lou Reed, Mr. Scruff, Kanye West, Télépopmusik, etc), watching movies (Contact, Virgin Suicides, American Beauty, Y Tu Mama Tambien - in Spanish without subtitles, There Will Be Blood), and then realizing that I have five papers due at the end of January, which should all be written now. So, I pushed one out over Saturday and Sunday and started on another today. I think my ass is taking on the form of the crap chair I sit in.

Friends have called to go out and I've been recluse and bored. A bit of depression for my manic. Yes, the internet has been my world of late. Rather pathetic, and really not a good use of time. I should be job hunting and networking and researching. Not goofing off and Tumblring and Facebooking. Sigh. The internet is my enemy.

In preparation for the new year and my annual superstition that I need to be doing something positive at midnight, I'm going to take a nice, long walk tomorrow in no direction whatsoever. Then, I'll work at least several hours on the current paper. I'm eating a fresh salad and will allow one jack off. And I'd like to drink a nice Pinot Noir if the $ to E hasn't hit 1.50

And you? Got any plans of preparation for your new year? No, no, don't tell me. I don't need more distractions... Ok, well, email them to me instead. My naughty lola inbox has been very, very quiet since all the boys left town.

Not such good ideas

This whole on-the-dating-scene-again might be the totally wrong idea for me. Bad morning breath [who doesn't know that they should hide that or re-direct it for fuck's sake?], high school groping, non-convincing daddy talk, too much shyness | not enough bold moves, 15 minutes tops of filling and stuffing - after I pant, "Don't. You. Dare. Come. Yet. Tell me if you need me to stop."

In my sleep I'm running through all the other cocks, all the other men. Dating sure puts things into perspective.

Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy. Although, I do appreciate how much more macho James was. We saw "Pan's Labyrinth" which was not marketed honestly at all.... This film is scary and totally gross with blood and gore and weird, disgusting creatures and body parts. The special effects and sound effects are insanely terrifying. I almost lost my lunch THREE times. [And they tried to spin it as a dark fantasy film about a made-up world that a girl creates in fascist Spain.. ummm.. yeah, don't forget about the war part or the gruesome aspects of her made-up world. Fuck.] So, right, the movie is shock and awe. And I could barely watch. But that's ME - that's the girl who has such an intense imagination that I still remember being terrified when the bad Gremlins showed up. Yeah, I did not appreciate James's manliness enough. And I like man in my men. I want to be the one jumping and screaming and covering my eyes. Not my date.

And, I want my date to ask the maitre d' if there's seating available and for him to ask the waitress to recommend a still or sparkling wine. And, you're right, James, the art of chivalry is lost - no one opens car doors for women anymore. And, you're right, it's really, really special that you do.

And, when we get back to my place, I want him to lead the play. And, not be so touchy when he crawls on top of my chest to straddle my face and feed me his cock. I was moving my arms underneath to be more trapped. He didn't have to get off me and say, "You're uncomfortable." Sigh. This poor, damaged guy. "No, no, I like it." [Grrr.. get the fuck back on top of me and shove your cock down my throat!!]

And, like I said, he's really great and nice. So, I'm [sigh again] making it my mission to help him. [I'm so tired of helping.] I know I don't have to. But there's this looming rock and hard place. We were crazy and he bought tickets using his miles and he booked the time-share for Mexico in May. Ugh. I knew it was too good to be true. And I bet it's some manipulative snare to trap me in his world for 3 months.

So, I'm bucking up. Sure, I'll aim to go to Mexico for a week but you can damn well bet that I'm not keeping my mouth shut. I already commented [gently, because there's no need to make him more sensitive - yuck] after he shot his load all over my face, hair, and chest that he should - next time - maybe get a towel or tissue for the girl to wipe up a bit. Granted, I added, I do like sitting around covered in cum, but sometimes it's just good manners to offer. Yes, I am not going to keep quiet. And, if I just don't think I can take it, if it's just too much work and not enough fun, if I still feel blocked and congested with my own sexual energy needing to come out - then I'll cancel.

He can re-name the second ticket to another friend, right? God, I hope so.

Sigh. I'm too good for most people. And it makes me miss James.

...........................

Staying indoors when it's finally almost 50F outside. Another not such a good idea. But it's a boy phase again where all I wanna do is play. So, I stayed home Friday [after a very successful conference planned by me and my co-workers on Thurs] and stayed in Saturday and worked myself into a sex crazed frenzy. No, I'm not a normal girl. Pajamas and a bowl of cereal, a call-in conference at 10am, a peanut butter banana sandwich at 1pm and then all of a sudden it was 9pm and I had 3 orgasms and plenty more to go. Thank god I decided that yes, I should get off on Saturday before my date. I'm sorry. I know I'm sounding harsh and this is probably another not such a good idea to even go there on here. It'll just take some extra work that I really wasn't prepared for or interested in. If you have any tips I can gently share or tricks of the trade, please let me know.

.................................

Freaking out about which grad school to attend is not a good idea. But I am. I'm trying to establish why I'm going. Since the day I decided what my goal is and decided grad school was the next step to that goal, I've felt like "god" or an "invisible hand" [not the economics one really] has been guiding me, pushing me along. Get home from work, feeling exhausted, fill out another application. Keep plugging along. And, now, all of a sudden, I've got a pool of acceptances to consider and I feel like I've been left. No natural flowing energy is pushing me in one direction. I know I want the overseas schools, but then I considered that Univ of Chicago, best school in the field of public policy probably accepted me. Am I making a mistake to forgo the name/prestige for the experience? I guess I am looking at it as a whole experience, too. To get out of the country, to be abroad, to learn, to meet amazing people in the field, to get connected to the field, to get into the field, to keep moving around the world. It's not about Chicago. It's not about D.C. It's not a name really. It's how badly I need this ticket out in a way.

Another good reason:

Wisconsin: Home Of Assertive Women, Shy Men
The country's most religious people are in Mississippi, the least religious are in Massachusetts. New York has the kinkiest women, while it's Florida for men. Those stats are courtesy of OKCupid.com, a free online dating service that compiled research from its compatibility questionnaires.

Wisconsin placed on three Top 10 lists: We're eighth for loneliest men, sixth for least shy women, and fourth for shyest men.

OkCupid.com CEO Sam Yagan, says the data was culled from almost a million daters who have answered more than 200 million addictive compatibility questions about relationships.

"Their answers have shed light on how personalities differ from state to state," says Yagan. "Wisconsin presents a fascinating dichotomy: its men are among the loneliest and most shy, while Wisconsin women are among the least shy in the country. Guys, take some initiative! The ladies will probably be receptive."


....................

I'm out of not such good ideas although I think I might skip Stats homework and goof off all day again today. That's prolly not such a good idea but I really don't care.

Her name is alive

I'm home. I'm fine. My babysitters were very nice. The drugs are very nice. I've got a ton of movies. Drinking lots of fluids. Excited to poop someday soon. Eating lots of fiber. Resting. Bathing. Sleeping. I think I might go for a short walk before the snowstorm hits.

Movies:
[either loaned or rented]
The Search for Robert Johnson
Big Fish
In America
Hero
Elizabethtown
Jesus Camp
Running with Scissors
Half Nelson

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