Sunday, March 11, 2007

Not such good ideas

This whole on-the-dating-scene-again might be the totally wrong idea for me. Bad morning breath [who doesn't know that they should hide that or re-direct it for fuck's sake?], high school groping, non-convincing daddy talk, too much shyness | not enough bold moves, 15 minutes tops of filling and stuffing - after I pant, "Don't. You. Dare. Come. Yet. Tell me if you need me to stop."

In my sleep I'm running through all the other cocks, all the other men. Dating sure puts things into perspective.

Don't get me wrong. He's a great guy. Although, I do appreciate how much more macho James was. We saw "Pan's Labyrinth" which was not marketed honestly at all.... This film is scary and totally gross with blood and gore and weird, disgusting creatures and body parts. The special effects and sound effects are insanely terrifying. I almost lost my lunch THREE times. [And they tried to spin it as a dark fantasy film about a made-up world that a girl creates in fascist Spain.. ummm.. yeah, don't forget about the war part or the gruesome aspects of her made-up world. Fuck.] So, right, the movie is shock and awe. And I could barely watch. But that's ME - that's the girl who has such an intense imagination that I still remember being terrified when the bad Gremlins showed up. Yeah, I did not appreciate James's manliness enough. And I like man in my men. I want to be the one jumping and screaming and covering my eyes. Not my date.

And, I want my date to ask the maitre d' if there's seating available and for him to ask the waitress to recommend a still or sparkling wine. And, you're right, James, the art of chivalry is lost - no one opens car doors for women anymore. And, you're right, it's really, really special that you do.

And, when we get back to my place, I want him to lead the play. And, not be so touchy when he crawls on top of my chest to straddle my face and feed me his cock. I was moving my arms underneath to be more trapped. He didn't have to get off me and say, "You're uncomfortable." Sigh. This poor, damaged guy. "No, no, I like it." [Grrr.. get the fuck back on top of me and shove your cock down my throat!!]

And, like I said, he's really great and nice. So, I'm [sigh again] making it my mission to help him. [I'm so tired of helping.] I know I don't have to. But there's this looming rock and hard place. We were crazy and he bought tickets using his miles and he booked the time-share for Mexico in May. Ugh. I knew it was too good to be true. And I bet it's some manipulative snare to trap me in his world for 3 months.

So, I'm bucking up. Sure, I'll aim to go to Mexico for a week but you can damn well bet that I'm not keeping my mouth shut. I already commented [gently, because there's no need to make him more sensitive - yuck] after he shot his load all over my face, hair, and chest that he should - next time - maybe get a towel or tissue for the girl to wipe up a bit. Granted, I added, I do like sitting around covered in cum, but sometimes it's just good manners to offer. Yes, I am not going to keep quiet. And, if I just don't think I can take it, if it's just too much work and not enough fun, if I still feel blocked and congested with my own sexual energy needing to come out - then I'll cancel.

He can re-name the second ticket to another friend, right? God, I hope so.

Sigh. I'm too good for most people. And it makes me miss James.


Staying indoors when it's finally almost 50F outside. Another not such a good idea. But it's a boy phase again where all I wanna do is play. So, I stayed home Friday [after a very successful conference planned by me and my co-workers on Thurs] and stayed in Saturday and worked myself into a sex crazed frenzy. No, I'm not a normal girl. Pajamas and a bowl of cereal, a call-in conference at 10am, a peanut butter banana sandwich at 1pm and then all of a sudden it was 9pm and I had 3 orgasms and plenty more to go. Thank god I decided that yes, I should get off on Saturday before my date. I'm sorry. I know I'm sounding harsh and this is probably another not such a good idea to even go there on here. It'll just take some extra work that I really wasn't prepared for or interested in. If you have any tips I can gently share or tricks of the trade, please let me know.


Freaking out about which grad school to attend is not a good idea. But I am. I'm trying to establish why I'm going. Since the day I decided what my goal is and decided grad school was the next step to that goal, I've felt like "god" or an "invisible hand" [not the economics one really] has been guiding me, pushing me along. Get home from work, feeling exhausted, fill out another application. Keep plugging along. And, now, all of a sudden, I've got a pool of acceptances to consider and I feel like I've been left. No natural flowing energy is pushing me in one direction. I know I want the overseas schools, but then I considered that Univ of Chicago, best school in the field of public policy probably accepted me. Am I making a mistake to forgo the name/prestige for the experience? I guess I am looking at it as a whole experience, too. To get out of the country, to be abroad, to learn, to meet amazing people in the field, to get connected to the field, to get into the field, to keep moving around the world. It's not about Chicago. It's not about D.C. It's not a name really. It's how badly I need this ticket out in a way.

Another good reason:

Wisconsin: Home Of Assertive Women, Shy Men
The country's most religious people are in Mississippi, the least religious are in Massachusetts. New York has the kinkiest women, while it's Florida for men. Those stats are courtesy of, a free online dating service that compiled research from its compatibility questionnaires.

Wisconsin placed on three Top 10 lists: We're eighth for loneliest men, sixth for least shy women, and fourth for shyest men. CEO Sam Yagan, says the data was culled from almost a million daters who have answered more than 200 million addictive compatibility questions about relationships.

"Their answers have shed light on how personalities differ from state to state," says Yagan. "Wisconsin presents a fascinating dichotomy: its men are among the loneliest and most shy, while Wisconsin women are among the least shy in the country. Guys, take some initiative! The ladies will probably be receptive."


I'm out of not such good ideas although I think I might skip Stats homework and goof off all day again today. That's prolly not such a good idea but I really don't care.


James said...

You really flatter me, sweetheart, but I recall you helped cultivate those characteristics in me as well. I was just a quick study from the night at Mickey's when you told me, "You can do anything you want to me. I just don't like blood or shit." It's quite an overwhelming statement in some regards. The totality of near complete control.

I remember my mind racing like a child who's blindfold has only recently been removed at the most amazing Amusement Park after you told me.

Tis a pitiful state of affairs when men are afraid to be men: Timid in their lust, halting in their advances, and fearful of their fantasies. It was lovely of you to help me get past all that, but I understand your impatience with teaching.

An inexperienced sub is a joy indeed. An inexperienced dom is none too charming.

We had love. Somehow cupid pierced us at the right time, and it gave you a bit of patience, and me the privilege of learning how to both use and care for a good woman,a lovely slut.

Most people will never find out they can set their fantasy fuck standards so high, will they?

lola said...

You're such a good writer..... You made me tear up. See you Tues, darlin.