Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The upcomings

I'm nervous about seeing family. I'm nervous about being back in old haunts. I'm nervous about how to tell my family I don't drink anymore. I'm nervous about too much down time. I'm nervous about the stories I hear of unconscious, patterned minds that if a drink is left near a hand, it grabs it as if in old habit. I'm nervous about the different meetings I'm going to find in other towns. I'm nervous about whether my extended family will understand if I tell them I'm not drinking because I just finished antibiotics and am trying to get healthy - not ready to tell the full story yet. I'm nervous about finishing the scarf I'm making for my sister.

Etc Etc...

But I'm also happy that I've got 25 days sober now and will celebrate a full month in 5. I'm happy that I have an awesome sponsor. I'm happy that my awesome sponsor has given me homework on the first Step (We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable) - something similar to this. I'm happy that my boss lady gave me a bonus. I'm happy that I get to hug my family. I'm happy I get to see my grandma and extended family. I'm happy to be traveling - in spite of the anticipated cluster fuck of security lines. I'm happy that my sister is SO completely supportive -- even if she doesn't get it all (it's true that, really, only other alcoholics do). I'm happy to give my sister a scarf I've been knitting since day one of sobriety - with its imperfections and all.

Etc Etc...

1 comment:

Albert Melfo said...

You're doing great, girl. Proud of you.

Not because you need anyone to say this shit, certainly not me. But because it takes a lot of courage, and it ain't easy. Good job.

(for my part, 34 weeks free of nicotine! it does get easier...)