Saturday, December 11, 2010

14 Days!

Today is the 14th day sober. Whew!

What a crazy thing I'm doing. Trying not to think about it in the grand scheme of things, because the bigger picture, the longer-term is too overwhelming. Never drink again? But I never had beers at the German restaurant down the block! I never had whiskey on the rocks at Old Ebbitt Grill, never had a last sake, won't have champagne at New Years, won't be able to order the wine online that I'd purchased through groupon (gave it away as a gift), etc... Thinking of the future or the potential future that could have been is too overwhelming - and not necessary. The one-day-at-a-time thing works for me right now.

Thursday was a good day. I spoke at a meeting with the them of "joy of living". Told everyone how happy I felt compared to weeks ago, how I feel new and confused but joyous. Of course, folks pointed out that I was on a thing called the pink cloud

Then comes a day, followed by a series of days or weeks, where the addict or alcoholic experiences acceptance. He or she is excited at the prospect of what recovery from addiction and alcoholism has to offer and feel as if they have grasped what it takes to maintain quality recovery. All the work they have done in their addiction treatment center and self help group has paid off and they experience a reprieve from all the difficulties that have crossed their path. This reprieve, which is actually a feeling, lasts but for a period of time and as with any feeling, comes and goes. As this feeling of excitement and acceptance passes, the risk for relapse is great as the addict or alcoholic begin to doubt the quality of their recovery. They become scared and thoughts of their drug addiction or alcoholism reappear. Addicts and alcoholics will experience this “pink cloud” phenomenon many times in recovery. They become more committed to their relapse prevention program as their ability to cope up with feelings and situations increase and hence less likely the relapse is to occur.

but then...

[[[I didn't finish this post... the pink cloud is enough.]]]]

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