Monday, December 4, 2006

Minnie-Apple part 2

So, back to Minneapolis for the rest of the weekend. I wasn't awake when James called Friday night because I had to give a presentation on Saturday morning. It was fine. The day was fine. Lots of flirting eyes and boring workshops and lame presenters. The Mister Mister from Friday night texted me mid-day to say he could think of a better way to spend his time, but I wasn't interested. I could tell he was hungry - like when you get a yummy cookie and want another the next day.

Dinner was pretty cool. We were going to eat at fancy pants Solera but it wasn't the right atmosphere for our rowdy, chatty group of all women + Paul Rogat Loeb (a not-so-inspirational speaker at our lunch earlier that day, although I was thrilled that every conference participant got a free copy of his new book!). So, instead we went to Rock Bottom Brewery.

My sister joined us which was fine. You've heard about my divorce from her and all. I wasn't thrilled by her presence but it was nice to see her. At the end of dinner, Mr. Clichemonster met up with us which was awesome. I'm sure that not all meetings of internet friends in real life turn out so well, but this was really nice. He totally knew how to roll with the whole "we've known each other a long time" story - after all, I did go to undergraduate in Minneapolis and no one got too close to ask him if he had lived there that long.

My sister did pull a funny and a shocker at one point though. She recently returned from a week in Japan and brought me presents not fit to present at xmas. She stopped off at Condomania and
brought me back a few cool gifts.

This Choco Magic one is hilarious. "Shake Before Serving" and "Finest Quality Chocolate" - I am totally looking forward to tasting that quality chocolate. Despite the fact that - with men I know have been tested and have no STIs - I prefer latexless.

While I do love strawberries, midnight, and being called Sweety (or is that Sweetie? or is that supposed to be Sweaty?), I'm not sure that calling a condom "Rubber Yum" will make me want to put it in my mouth. I do love their disclaimer though "Highly effective against pregnancy and helps reduce the risk of spreading many sexually transmitted disease." I like "Highly effective" a lot. I think it's accurate.

The best present though was this little Hello Kitty charm for my cell phone. I took it out of the bag and laughed so damn hard. I had to show Mr. C who would be the only one in the room to know how much it would mean to me to get a Hello Kitty called "Pour Lolita." (It's a gothic Kitty!) Little did I know, my sister knew, as well. I pointed out the tiny "Lolita" script to Mr. C and started to try to explain to my sister and she goes, "I know." Of course, she elaborated. This guy she was dating this past summer tried to google her to find dish. And I guess one of the places (jump in here, Mr. C, if my explanation is wrong) he looked was on -
instead of finding her, he found me. Now, HOW he knew it was me is beyond all our comprehension. I'm pretty good at keeping my fullfrontal face off the 'net, but maybe it was through her Friendster page to my Friendster page to my full frontal face to match it on I'm not quite sure how it went, but what he landed on was the old "Looking for a third" - the personal ad that James and I used to find a guy for our love triangle. Of course, my name on is Lola or Lolita. So.... sis pulled a cool shot. Yay, sis! (Don't forget to click on the images for larger versions. I especially love the Hello Kitty back panel - check out the danger-of-choking image.)

So, we all had a good laugh over sister's smarts and the awesome gifts. From dinner, a couple of us (Mr. C, my sister, 3 WI interns, the MN Conference Planner and her boyfriend) went over a couple of blocks to Lyon's Pub, and on the way made a stop at Shinders for cash. Man, I miss living in Minneapolis. Downtown is so seedy despite its attempts at cleaning up by adding Block E. The club we went to was quite fun and I had no idea that our interns dug hip hop or that we were such good dancers. Although, MN was playing IA that weekend and there were some total lame ass drunk boys on the dance floor - one which kept dropping ass bombs. I mean, literal shit stink bombs right in the middle of the dance floor. So uncool.

[Lola & Clichemonster - wait.. wait... we're not ready!]

The funniest scene though. Shouting in the bar. Ms. MN Planner says she likes to workout to "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" and I had the realization that when that song first came out my sister and I were talking about it and she goes, "You know what that song's about, right?" "No. And I don't think I want to know." Because, of course, I'm thinking it's about a baby mama serving up her milky tits on the playground. Or, maybe it's about a guy cumming in some girl's ass and another girl drinking it. Because, of course, my mind goes somewhere worse than other people's minds.

So, I tell Ms. MN Planner and shout to the other girls, "What's that song about anyway?!"
And intern1 goes, "It's about a money shot!"
I go, "What's a money shot?" and I think I know what it is, but I'm not sure I do, so I lean over to Mr. C and yell over the music, "What's a money shot?!"
And he looks taken aback. He leans away from me in near shock, "You don't what a [muffled] shot is?"
"No. What is it?"
"It's a drink!"
I lean back to intern1 and go, "It's a drink?!"
She laughs so hard, "NO! It's not a drink! It's jizz on the face!" And makes the motion of jacking a cock.
I turn to Mr. C and go, "A drink?!"
He laughs so hard, "I thought you said body shot!!"
Of course, intern1 later can't believe she said "jizz on the face" to one of her bosses.

Maybe you had to be there, and be slightly buzzed.

No drunkeness for us that night though. Mr. C walked us all back and while I tried my best to lay some cute moves on him as a gesture of goodwill, my sister lingered at our goodbyes and all I got in was a great bear hug with Mr. C and a cheek kiss. It's all good. I'm a whore, he's a nice man.

Got back to the hotel and thought for sure Mister Mister would text me as we'd texted a bit during dinner hours. It was 1 in the am, but he's one of those guys who doesn't sleep much. Didn't hear anything so I didn't feel badly. Sunday we packed it up and left.

All in all a good trip.

I took Thanksgiving week off. Tuesday was all about a very, very nice late afternoon tryst. Which you'll have to come back to read about. As a teaser, it involves a schoolgirl outfit and lolipops.


Monster said...

The cute moves worked, sister.

But 1) your sister was lingering, as you mentioned

2) I am a nice man and my wife was waiting paitently at home

3) I couldn't bring you with me 'caue you had a early start ahead of you.

T'was great hanging out, though. Fun times, no kidding.

Monster said...


OH - for the record - I was totally ready for that first picture. If you'll recall, though, I was singing along to Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel". After all, it ain't nobody's business buy mine and my bay-bay's.

lola said...

That's RIGHT! And we were explaning the music video to the youngin's.

Well, I'm glad the moves worked and that you were a nice guy. xoxo

a said...

For some reason, I really liked this post. I'm still trying to mull over the specifics of why.

Maybe I'll figure it out later. But regardless, I'm so very glad to be reading you again.

I mentioned to you that you are one of three writers who I really love to read. If you're interested I could send you the links to the other two. I think you might enjoy them.

lola said...

Thanks for the kind words, a. Would love the links to other writers. Please send!

Hex said...

I specifically told the monster to spank you for me, and after reading this I'm getting the distinct impression that he didn't.


Well you know what they say -- if you want something done right...

lola said...

There were no hand-meets-ass introductions. He has failed you oh, Obi Wan. ... Clichemonster said I have to come visit. And I hear you live very nearby.