Monday, May 4, 2009

The TV Producer

The guy I found via Craigslist, the guy who was into spanking me, the guy I went to Les Chandelles (the sex club) with, is now interested in seeing me again.

When I was in his neighborhood months ago, I sent a nice SMS to let him know I was thinking of him while passing through. He SMS'd back that it was nice and went on to tell me he was seeing someone since January. I wasn't sure how to interpret this but wished him well.

Then, recently:

how are you cara?
i know it has been a while since we have not heard from each other
i want to know hoa you are and what's going on in your life

Good to hear from you bello. I'm in the last month of school, finishing up my graduation project, working on papers, etc.. I've been seeing a guy in CH who is dominant and into bdsm so getting my bottom spanked quite a bit ;) How are you? What's going on in your life?

i would love to see you before you leave Paris or before the end of graduation
i'm fine: lots of work just finished a shooting and starting a new one in June
i'm still with the person i've met begining of the year but i'd like to see again
i'm glad to read that you 've been spanked i miss me spanking you and you blowing me :-)


how are you?
did you get my last mail?
would you like to see each other?

[Not really. I feel like I've kind of moved beyond him spanking me and "blowing him." In fact, his words felt a bit crass to me. Not that I'm not still a slut and don't, in a context, enjoy reading about his enjoyment of me. I just feel like, well, that's what it was. Even in the giddy photos that I took as he spanked me last (with paddles I brought), there was no ultimate enjoyment on my part. Even at the time, before my plunge into this S&M world, I found myself thinking, "Harder! Harder!" And, even kneeling at his feet giving him a blowjob, I felt like there wasn't any fairness in it (I give great blowjobs and only got half-assed sex) and really was bored by it all. Sure, there was the rush of drinking a ton, dolling up, hailing a cab, pretending I was a hooker going to see him, spanking, blowing, and sex and waking up in a fucking kick ass apartment over-looking the Pantheon. But I wasn't paid for the cab fare. I wasn't paid for the hooker dream I had. The sex didn't even "pay" for it. And the spanking wasn't nearly what I was hoping for.

The fact that he's seeing someone doesn't really matter to me. I've been a mistress before. More importantly is that I wasn't getting out of it what I wanted and was bored.

So, I guess I need to write this to him.]

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