The TV Producer

The guy I found via Craigslist, the guy who was into spanking me, the guy I went to Les Chandelles (the sex club) with, is now interested in seeing me again.

When I was in his neighborhood months ago, I sent a nice SMS to let him know I was thinking of him while passing through. He SMS'd back that it was nice and went on to tell me he was seeing someone since January. I wasn't sure how to interpret this but wished him well.

Then, recently:

Him:
how are you cara?
i know it has been a while since we have not heard from each other
i want to know hoa you are and what's going on in your life

Me:
Good to hear from you bello. I'm in the last month of school, finishing up my graduation project, working on papers, etc.. I've been seeing a guy in CH who is dominant and into bdsm so getting my bottom spanked quite a bit ;) How are you? What's going on in your life?

Him:
i would love to see you before you leave Paris or before the end of graduation
i'm fine: lots of work just finished a shooting and starting a new one in June
i'm still with the person i've met begining of the year but i'd like to see again
i'm glad to read that you 've been spanked i miss me spanking you and you blowing me :-)

Me:
[silence]

Him:
how are you?
did you get my last mail?
would you like to see each other?
Kisses

Me:
[Not really. I feel like I've kind of moved beyond him spanking me and "blowing him." In fact, his words felt a bit crass to me. Not that I'm not still a slut and don't, in a context, enjoy reading about his enjoyment of me. I just feel like, well, that's what it was. Even in the giddy photos that I took as he spanked me last (with paddles I brought), there was no ultimate enjoyment on my part. Even at the time, before my plunge into this S&M world, I found myself thinking, "Harder! Harder!" And, even kneeling at his feet giving him a blowjob, I felt like there wasn't any fairness in it (I give great blowjobs and only got half-assed sex) and really was bored by it all. Sure, there was the rush of drinking a ton, dolling up, hailing a cab, pretending I was a hooker going to see him, spanking, blowing, and sex and waking up in a fucking kick ass apartment over-looking the Pantheon. But I wasn't paid for the cab fare. I wasn't paid for the hooker dream I had. The sex didn't even "pay" for it. And the spanking wasn't nearly what I was hoping for.

The fact that he's seeing someone doesn't really matter to me. I've been a mistress before. More importantly is that I wasn't getting out of it what I wanted and was bored.

So, I guess I need to write this to him.]