Wednesday, April 1, 2009

without a skin

I cried tonight.
Not for torture, but for those that are tortured.

She broke his heart. Her mom was schizophrenic. She is acting out.

He loved her so much. He did all he could.

I love them both.

And there is nothing I can do.

She has tortured me by my willing to let her insecurities in.
I torture myself with his torment.

I grabbed his lapel. I love you. I respect you. I don't know what to do with her. She aches and cries and is longing and I have learned now to repel it. She could easily bring me into her spiral downwards but I can't let it feed me. I have to let her be who she is.

My mantra: accept you all for who you are.

But don't let you come live inside me.

I have enough personalities inside.

I love you both and you are now divorced, separated, free from one another. She is crazy and hurtful and he is desirous and wanting.

All I can do is let you both have space near me, but not within me.

It's so hard to not feel what they feel.

I rub my arm over and over thinking I can coat it in protection.

But I love you both.

So, I cry. Emotional ejaculate. Eye expression. Soul living.

I hug him. She is abroad and far from reach. He needs to be free. She needs to be released.

I cry tears to him. I love you, man. I do.

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