Thursday, December 18, 2008

I feel funky

The Filmmaker came over last night. I was planning for a nice night at his place with whiskey and smoking in his room. Instead, he came over to mine and we had bottles of wine and smoking.

I told him, because he's the one I feel most comfortable talking truth, that I've felt funny lately. It all started when I woke up just before Thanksgiving weekend to Charlie Brown's Christmas song on Radio K.

I haven't been depressed in a while. For a long time it was rather predictable. Every three months I'd hit a low and curl up with movies and whiskey, a blanket and myself. I'd have to look back in the posts from France to see when the last time was I got blue, but I think this is what it is. I feel Charlie Brown-est.

Thanksgiving was great. The weather here is cold, but there's no snow really and it's not even that cold. The City of Lights has come out in lights to remind us all that tis the season. ... In the States I'd know it was the holidays by the snow. In Spain by the holiday religious songs pumped out through loud speakers on every major walking street. But here, I've forgotten it was holiday season. I got into the Tumblr Secret Santa and even bought holiday cards when I went out for the TSS gift purchase. School is ending tomorrow (technically today) for vacation time. I have like 4 papers all due in January so I'll work over the holidays like I did last year. I won't travel, I don't think. I just don't know where to go or why. Plus, the papers.

TV Producer will go to Israel. The Filmmaker to London. Tall Tom to the USA. The Italian to Italy. This will leave me with the Butcher or the Spaniard, both of whom I haven't seen in a while and don't know what their plans are. (Although, upon sending an email to the Butcher to let him know I was finally uploading the photos from our trip to northern France this summer, he emailed back that he'd look tomorrow as tonight he is drunk drunk drunk and will puke before bed in order to wake up better tomorrow. So not attractive at all.)

A couple of out-of-town girl friends are in town. I expect Adam to return soon - although when he left 2 weeks ago ... way before the period or the real PMS - I wasn't sure he'd be returning.

I feel weird. Even my period was weird this month. With a bit of a showing on one day. Then nothing. Then more showing the next day. Then major cramps, which is highly unusual. Then a torrent. And even during my period the past months Adam kind of stuck around and surprised me with the urge to get off despite it.

I don't want to be depressed over vacation. I don't want to feel lackluster or so tired as I have lately. I'm taking the Vitamin D's to try to keep a sunny balance in my system. But nothing is kicking it.



a said...

If you were in town, I'd insist on you joining K and I in our holiday celebrations. We host stragglers: alcohol is copious, and there is NO football...

Wishing you well, out there...

Anonymous said...

Better advice, tried and true:

Flee all fornication (1Cor 6:18) and youthful lusts (2Ti 2:22).
Do not continue as fornicator, or abuser of yourself with
mankind (1Cor 6:9-11). Because the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. (Rev 21:8)

let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light.
But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof.