Now I'm confused. I thought I knew the place where I was most happy. I rarely re-visit places I've been for there are too many too see yet. But I booked a train ride back to Cinque Terre because I thought my soul felt free and happy there, climbing and high on endorphins from the beauty. But looking over other photos, I felt this happiness in another place.
For what am I searching?
I am smart enough to know I cannot replace or reinstate a feeling I once had. It is temporal, it comes with the moment that IS at that moment. But if I look back and feel where my heart soared, it is there I want to return. A few places. And one is close. So, I want to revisit. With fear and excitement. But then, I see where I have been and realize I found that same feeling.
Every adventure is new. I might have a preconceived desire to be somewhere for a feeling I once felt, but it will still be its own time. I am okay with this. I am excited to see the changes. But I am also hesitant. To return, to revisit, to play again, to love again in the same place - things might change, things might be the same, it might be boring, without the same inspiration.
Hence, my love life.
Hence, my rambling.
Hence, why I don't return.
D.U., if you read this, please be gentle when we travel together. It is a pilgrimage for me. A serious moment. A necessity. A complexity. And it with you that I would share this. Push me to make new memories, but leave me to find what I am looking for.
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