Trailer park girls go 'round the outside

Oh stop me now.

Who's a bad girl? Who? Who?

Thursday with Andy. We tried a bit of bumstar visitation. We tried a bit of cock sucking. We got to where we needed to go. [Short snipets for Lola tonight as I have been on the road.] I do love how he knows my shyness and knows my body and takes what he wants. Flipping me over to lick my star. Holding my head to thrust down my throat. Climbing on top and pushing my thighs apart. ... And then a bit of dreamland chatter post and then ... then.. he's out the door. It's a nice balance.

Friday with Spiderman. Dinner is so strange with people who have children and forget table manners or how to treat a lady... And upstairs in his attic bedroom where he had a go of spank spank spanking my ass over and over as a newbie could. He didn't put it to me and I wondered if he missed his only opportunity to get a Lolacicle. I had thought better of sleeping at someone's house but stayed anyway and avoided cute loving embraces. He wrote me a song and it sounded so sexy as he hollared out "dolly."

Saturday with "no-name" Joe. Good margaritas. Good laughs. Watched Babel which was intense and interesting but lord why'd it win so many accolades? At his place. In his bed. I guess maybe I'm on top these days because of the yin-yang balance... less control in my day life, more control in my night? I still wish for being taken and men without self-consciousness. His tongue might not like my honeypot which is allright with me, but his fingers can find the button to work magic. He asked if I liked to cuddle after sex. My timeframe is not about love, is not about like, is not about making lasting impressions, is not about touchy-feely, but I'm not wholly against it. I curdle at those advances on the inside, but would rather succumb to someone's control or desires than petty prancy around mine. Secretly, I think he's found the blog, too. Secretly, I also think our trip to Mexico will be an eye opener for us both.

And now... London's Calling. I'm trying to finalize accommodations for London next weekend while also dealing with a super hectic work schedule. I'm not used to operating at this high octane level. I was dreaming last night about what ifs - what if Sciences Po in Paris accepts me and I dreamt of taking the train to Paris from London - which side of my actual day visit to the Univ Coll London? And now, I have the paper in my hand. And, now, add on the fact that Sciences Po in Paris has accepted me. Life is getting faster and complicated... and it'll all end on May 4th. I have gotten extensions to finalize where to go to school from Univ of Chicago and Carnegie until then. NYU which has waitlisted me has not replied. And after May 4? What becomes of a pumpkin? I guess I focus on my Stats and Econ finals, the awesome adventure with Joe in Mexico, hiring a new "me" for my job, and the 2-month long saga of sorting through belongings and what to do with it all. It will be nice to have a destination then. But it's also nice to be in this internal war, strife, gripe, rollercoaster.

I talked to my sister tonight. We have an internal string-and-can phone system between her and my mum and me. Someone thinks of someone and they call. Usually it's stronger between my mum and sister, but tonight I got home from long trip, long day and wondered if I should call my right-brain sister who can also still feel my impulsiveness [unlike dad]. She called me 20 minutes after that thought. All of a sudden it was her quitting her big marketing job, being hired at another firm, and taking her vacation with me to London and Paris. I brought it up. It might be nice to have someone to bounce shit off of and nice to have a compadre. Sure, I don't get along with her much, but it'll also be all about me and in turn, in her free time, all about her. We're both sluts, we're both independent, we're both drinkers, we're both travellers, we might just work out. "Like I told dad," she said "it's the way of our family. Trouble? Change? Life changes? Bring it on. We like to pile it on, we like to add more on to what we're already facing." Yes, this is so true. I could have made it easy like this girl in my Stats class who applied to one school in Illinois and banked on that. But I piled it on. And then on some more. And now, on some more. I know I'll miss these days of excitement and woe-is-me and deciding. At least I recognize it to enjoy it.

I'd like to cut all boys out of my life this week. I need to stay to me and do some work and investigating and playing with a new camera I bought and rearranging my IRA for my tax refund and looking up trains from London to Paris, but I also know that a good fuck is good for the soul.