I can feel it

The next burst of writing, the next series of stories, all I have kept and all I have felt. The faces, the frustrations, the release with grand sighs of eyes closed and mouth smiling wide open, the rollercoaster, the fear, the giganticness of it all, the short person I feel inside, the capacity to fill the room. These thoughts and feelings are coming back again. They were just happening and now they must be told. The motor has gone spinning in the cotton picker and now slows, slows, slows to a monotonous, mesmerizing, hypnotic, relaxed pace. It is now. Now that I will catch the fluff and thorns and put them here. A smooth factory line with my microscope looking at each branding, each strain, each formation, each exactness and every unique diversion. It is coming. It is coming.

There are ghosts around me. I can feel them and see them through the lids of my eyes and the corners of my sight. This part of the city has hangings, beheadings, witchcraft. The merchants going to market within the city walls would come upon the city, note that the doors were closed and would wait until they saw the head thrown over the wall to know it was okay to enter now. I live in one of the first buildings of those days. I try not to hear them or see them. I think only good thoughts and wish only good things and at night I drug myself.

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I didn't tell the Butcher, my current French lover, that it had been a while since my last test. I don't remember when it was or if I lied to someone to say I had. But he was going today and I thought it had been long enough. There was nothing to fear but the impossiblity that I was Bionic Woman and had been kicking ass this long. Alas, the quick test came back at the interesting gay HIV testing place and I was negative. I wanted to be more happy but I also wanted to act like I got this test every year just as a precaution. Regardless, it's good to do and I want to do it more often.
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There is more.. it's coming.. this weekend.. heat, head under the shower on cold, wine, chocolate and cheese and fruits. I will tell my stories.