Saturday, June 16, 2007

A day in the life of a mistress

I hear the French give accolades to their French mistresses. I'm not high maintanence as you know, but I wouldn't mind to be 'kept.' I mean, I certainly never request it, and I've only accepted money once or twice - as a joke. But I wouldn't shun a few gifts at my shrine. Andy tried to jog my memory tonight, a cup of coffee, condoms and lube, a huge lolipop. But there's so much more that he's given me. Truly. An understanding, a not-too-long stay afterwards, conversation, warm-up emails, amazing head, great ass fucking, wonderful cunt fulfillment, intellectual discussions, friendship, a bending ear, my first gangbang. Yeah, yeah, not to inflate his ego, but to shed some comparison.

It's not easy to be a non-paid sluttish tasteful mistress.

Here are some things I've thought of:

1) Don't wear yourself out... I had an overactive week and school nights. I'm not growing lax on my policy of not going out on school nights but my week days aren't so important to me. They are extremely busy, but I'm still focused on being cognizant. That said, when it rains, it pours. Monday I worked out and focused on school. Tuesday, I saw "Zoo" which was just like this review here [about sex with animals, if I must explain], really, except that Sundance 608 sucks ass and I have no idea why Robert Redford thinks Madison is worthy. It was my second date with Phillip - the first I begged off any play with PMS hormones and the cold sore - and we'd been exchanging very, very dirty emails focused on Daddy/girl naughtiness. So, when he came over, we kissed finally and he quietly said, "Get on your knees." I did, in my pretty pettifore, hands in my lap, mouth on his cock. "I'm going to cum - do you want it in your mouth?" [I could expound on how nice it is for a man to be so gentelmanly and prepare his receiver, but I won't here.] After Zoo, I got a right as rain and such more than ever expected in all my life treat to Daddy/girl nasty talk and fucking. Wednesday, I had re-scheduled a date from online for sushi. It was nice enough. Thursday, I met Phillip again for climbing after a work party. My ass strapped in to a harness and scaling a wall with nooks and crannies. God, I really like it. After I get over my fear of heights. And later. Well, you'll have to see the pics, but he's taking his own interesting initiative to create bondage with climbing gear. [Ask me for the naughty pics on if you don't already have access.] Friday, Andy visited. Now, in the past I've saved Andy for first visit. Today he was last. But still first. Phillip has a ways to go in the realm of naughty and dirty. His hand rests gently on the back of my neck as I suck his cock hoping he'll be overcome with force and pull me gagging. He doesn't. Andy, pushes his cock down my throat and spreads me on top of his face. I won't go on further as you've heard my praises before. Suffice to say, it was a long week. To be a good mistress, one has to not let oneself get too worn out. I was on the brink of exhaustion. I was not quite a flapping bird in the breeze, as it were, but I wasn't a fresh pink flower either.

2) Leave work early. Get out of that stuffy, demanding office. Sometimes I have the fortune of being able to exchange rapid Gmail emails back and forth filled with nasty wishes for the afternoon tryst. Sometimes not. In those cases, in all cases, make for the door about 2 hours in advance.

3) You are what you want to be and who you can be is creative. Phillip is learning. I hate teaching. But he's eager and engaged and taking the lead. Our emails included me explaining that I am fed up with teaching boys how to become dirty, nasty men. So, he's taken to creating scenarios. Of course, they're not bdsm-community-appropriate, but fuck that shit. Things don't have to be one set way. Thus, to him, I am a new playground and I like that he keeps opening his tastes: "It turns me on if it turns you on." So, he's not out trolling for women who want to play young girls. But he's pushing me in this realm more than I have ever explored before. Andy emailed earlier in the day that he'd seen a photo of stockings and heels. I asked if he preferred stockings vs. fishnets - he was going with more classy stockings. Garter? Corset? I was blowing his mind. He let me select.

3a) Eat. A starving mistress is a weak playmate. Even if your work day was so busy you hadn't had a chance to eat. Snack on an energy bar at home. Get something in your body to be able to perform and not sound like a roaring lion while being fucked. Nothing is more distracting than your own focus lost on hunger and your stomach growling.

4) Get good music. I'd had the same comp of sex music for a while. DJ Shadow, Kruder & Dorf, some Verve remix jazz. It was getting old. So, I threw some Brazillian Girls in, some Brazzaville [thanks, James!], some Saint Germain, some Thievery. I had to switch it up after listening to it for days in a row. Music can make your body move. Music can give a good vibe. Music can set the tone of the visit.

5) Have a drink - even if it's 2pm. It's been a fuck long day or week or hour. Pour a drink. I used to drink from dawn to night if I wanted. Then, I made it a habit only after the sun set. Now, it's when I think it's happy hour in my head. Home at 2, got a date at 3. Doesn't mean I have to get loaded, but a nice coctail never hurts for lubing the mind or joints.

6) Clean up. After I got back from Mexico, suddenly I started to peel in the weirdest of spots. My outer calves. Who peels there? So, for a week or so - while I was sick and at home and too busy to entertain - I just rubbed whereever I wanted. In the bathroom out of a shower, in the shower, at my desk, in my bed, on my bed, before heading to work. My carpet started to look like the constellation itself had dropped. Vacuum. Fuck yes. Clean up as you can. James once said that girls have more dust bunnies than even the Easter Bunny. Get some of the cracks and crevices once in a while. It feels good, and it looks good. Take a simple feather duster and get on the bookshelves. Pick up your used condoms and dispose of them. Then, take the garbage out. Nothing worse than an apartment that stinks like the last man's cum. Turn the TV from facing your bed - I know those drunk, solitary nights - and point it toward the more social part of your room. Discretely move all the semi-used batteries - yes, we all know you use vibrators but your guest might feel intimidated. It's summer, the spiders find their way in - clean the cobwebs. You had a bender, recycle the Pabst cans. You're a lady after all. Act like one. Oh, and that goes to bodies, too. Trim that bushy. Sure, we all like it natural, but who ever EVER likes picking the curlies out of their teeth [MEN - TAKE HEED!!! a little trimming does a wonder for a blowjob good lord!]. Get those pits, the cunnie, try for the crack, and make those legs smooth. [Unless you're being visited by natural hippie man, then, let it all go.] Brush your teeth -- after your cocktail. Gin&tonic and toothpaste is gross. If you just smoked a cig and drank and swished with mouth wash, THEN brush - nothing is worse than medicine mouth from mouth wash. Let's hope that our visitors have the same consideration, to at least use some good gum. And, if they come straight from work, well... hold your nose when you're down there. And I don't mean literally. We can all benefit from learning how to hold our nose without using a finger pinch.

6a) Others. Put a clean towel in the bathroom in case your playmate needs to clean up afterwards. You don't need new, clean sheets for every lover, but a nice fresh bedspread works. If you're a whore for a week, be sure you can flip the spread over and around. No one likes to smell the previous man in your bed. I found my face down in my old crusty wetness before. I found a scent from the previous lover. It's distracting. I'm trying to be better in this realm. It's cheap not to create a newness for each adventure. While I'm short on time, and short on quarters and time for laundry, it's important. Sometimes it doesn't matter. It's up to you to gauge your lovers. Perhaps lover 1 likes to piss on you, lover 2 might like to imagine you a dirty, sick whore so fear not for cleaning up. But lover 3 might balk at the idea of previous men in your bed. Go with your own discretion but know that a little stain could mean a half-assed fucking.

6b) Same goes for nails. Some playmates want a scratch or five. Some have to leave with no marks traceable. It's up to you to know who wants what and to decide when to clip your claws.

7) Lotion it up. If you're peeling or not. Lotion makes the skin soft and glowing and supple. It also gives a nice fragrance. But choose your lotion right. Nothing like your mom or your grandma would use. Who wants to smell rose petals? You smell rose petals on a death bed. I love Hempz lotion - I'm no hippie anymore, but it smells like a slow, subtle strawberry and feels thick enough to mean something and supple enough to soak in. It's not going to leave a fragrance on your visitor but it'll moisten up your body and make you smell slightly edible. So yummy! I never put it directly on my cunnie, but do spread it around the outer labia and inner thigh and a bit over my nipples. [Good lord, I hope my lovers like it.. no one has ever said anything so if it needs to be said, now's the time!]

8) Clothes. It depends on your mood and the mood of your visitor. I don't have a ton of outfits. So, I use what I got. Nudity is a great gift to an open door. Nudity and heels works. Stockings, thigh highs, corset. Girlie undies and a tee-shirt. Slip and fishnets. Workout sweats. Bare feet and a sundress. Bathing suit. Skirt and halter. We all have something in our closets that will match what our lover wants and what feels most sexy to us. Sometimes it's good to go beyond the call of duty. I like pretending I have to be someone new, wanting to be someone new. Picking a personality for my mood. Either way, it doesn't set the tone entirely because it comes off relatively quickly.

9) Show time! Music - check. Clothes - check. Breath - check. Attitude - check. Space - check. You don't have to June Cleaver out. I've opened the door and had to turn around to adjust volume or hitch up a panty or just plain been nervous and shy. Act as you feel is appropriate. But at that moment, all other things melt away. Bills, the leftover stain, the forgetful flip of the bedspread, the last shot of booze, the txt from an ex, the night's party, the tear in your asshole, the heat, the gas, the fight with your co-worker, last night's lover, tomorrow's exam, the spider in the corner, your own future... right now is right now. Be. Live. Be here now. You have a guest, you have some fun planned. Certainly you don't have to be sober, nor do you have to be begging or waiting hand on foot. But you should be focused as you can on the moment. Of course, I've bailed emotionally and physically on playmates and left them dumb-founded before, but I've learned a bit to try to curtail those feelings and confusions and drunkenness. Be with the one you want or want the one you're with.

10) Move on. Keep moving. Flaws in the looks or space or attitude. Pass it by. Make up for it. Distract. Andy came in, stunned by the heels, stockings, garter, corset. Kisses are amazing to ground me. Put me in the place in his body in our bodies. He turned me and pressed me up against the wall. I knew that I was recovering my asshole - from when he visited from failing my fiber diet from wiping too hard. It's not totally grody or medical, it's just tender and I'm trying to be careful. So, when I so wanted it and he wanted to give me a rim job, I said, "not the bummie." I didn't yell, I didn't freak out, I didn't scold. I just whispered. I didn't need to go into details. And he reacted oh so well and came up, flipped me and got me on my knees. IF a lover reacts poorly or tries to pursue a boundary you put up [and perhaps feel guilty about], stand your ground and re-direct. There are plenty of other parts and other playgrounds. If you're playing submissive try to move the scene to his body part and focus there. If he's playing dominant, submissively request that it's a hands-off area. Once, when I spotted a stain on the bed, I tried to manouver to cover it with my body. If that fails, disregard it and exert more energy to distract from it. Or, play it up as how much of a whore you are and how he wants that in his lover slut. If that fails, you're dating the wrong man or you're not paying enough attention to what your lovers request or you're not being honest and I can't help you there.

11) If it doesn't feel right. I don't have to talk about how it feels good so much, because the good just goes on and on. If it doesn't feel good though, this can be a huge thing for a mistress. We want to please so badly. If something feels uncomfortable [don't touch the owie bummie, don't finger fuck me so hard, my vagina tunnel shrinks monthy and can't take your cock so well, my throat hurts, my hand is cramping, my leg is cramping, I'm freaking out, the ropes are too tight, the slapping is too much, etc], for god's sake don't just stand there and take it. If you think you can re-position, do it. If you think you can slow it down, do. Take a bit of control and have your say. What I'm learning more than anything is that men don't care about anything else in sex other than getting you off. Getting you/me/their lover/their playmate/the fuck off gets them off ultimately. I'm not talking about rapists or manipulators - their game is all about not getting you off but getting their way. But for lovers, they want to feel the benefit of their balls stirring over your engorging and uncontrollable cumming all over them. That they created that wildness in you that they made you get wild that they fucked you so silly you made faces that you shouldn't make in public. That they got you so off that you begged to stop. That they finally get off because you've cum 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, times. Or, that they know they're gonna get you off at some point. Being a mistress isn't being a submissive slave. A submissive slave might not get her share, might not her offness. She might have to be punished and get fucked without a cum. I am that woman sometimes. When I'm a mistress though, I know my getting off gets him off. I am not being punished by his cock. I am fulfilling his cock's prophesy. If I'm not getting in the groove, if I'm not feeling well-positioned or comfortable or ready, there's no sense in continuing because my lover is here to fuck and get off on me with me all over me in me. [Here's my plug for condoms. Use them.] Thus, if I'm not feeling it, well, I might try to suck it up for a bit but that's not gonna last. I'll put my hand on my clitty to move me more. I'll put my hand on his abdomen to stave off the long cock. I'll open my eyes or close them. I'll say yes this no that. Because in the end, if I'm thrashing and pulsing and tingling and throbbing and cumming, he will too.

12) When it feels too good to be true. Remember, he is not yours and you are not his. You cannot call out his given name, the one his wife calls him. You cannot promise matrimony and 3 perfect children. You cannot say I will love you forever. You cannot say you're the only one in my life. You CAN say, I've been waiting all day for your hard cock. I've wanted you to fuck me all week. I love your fucking hard cock fucking me so fucking hard. I am your cumslut bitch. I am your babyslut fuck toy. I am yours yours yours. .... These are momentary and agreed upon. But, remember, you cannot look into his eyes and make promises or say things you really don't mean. Coitus lies but it doesn't not hide. It does not cover you entirely. It exposes. You are exposed naked or semi-dressed. But your words and eyes and lips can tell much more. Be careful. If he is your full-time lover or she your mate or that person your partner for life, grand. You still can't lie. You can't promise to do the dishes everyday for the rest of your life together, because for some reason that instant is always burned in your memories and if you open your moaning mouth and promise that you'll be home by 5 every day for the rest of your life - it's solid. You will not live that down. If you are in a part-time play with a married person, you will ruin it by turning it into love. You will wreck a system if you swear to keep that baby he's about to put into you while you're playing house. You will tear up minds if you try to rekindle old love in the midst of fucking. You will fuck up your chances if you try to move a late-night-lay into going steady by saying how much you care. Be careful of your cum-flooded mind while fucking. Your tongue has a mind of its own and usually it behaves, obeying your wet pussy screaming fuck me now harder harder you fucking hard cock I'm gonna cum all over you fuck fuck. But other times it takes the other fork in the road because you already started fucking with other things on your mind [disobeying #9] and all of a sudden your pussy is fucking but your heart thinks it has something wise to say and then your tongue is forming the words I heart you.

13) Post. I can't consult here. This is wild territory. This is where the heart and the pussy and the sweat and the skin and the brain and the outer and inner thigh and the ankle and the wrist and hair all combine and make a big fat mess. You can choose to lay together or choose to disappear from the parking garage as quickly as you came together. You can pat your hair and clear your throat and wonder how it happened or you can stare at your toes. You can let his hands caress your belly and tits and neck and wish he'd plant a thousand kisses on you. You can fall asleep and start to snore. You can lay and talk about politics or maybe his family. You can rest a couple of fingers in his hand and stare at the ceiling. You can lay legs intertwined. You can cuddle in a ball. This is unchartered territory and you have to navigate how you feel. I would counsel that crying at this point is only kosher if you have well established boundaries and understandings. Crying can freak a lover out or can drive them to cuddle too much. Crying is for you to do and for you to explain. I would counsel only that you keep a physical boundary if that's needed for the rest of the week and month and to keep sanity and keep interactions in a frame of mind. For, if you cry, most well-adjusted lovers will want to help and care for you. Because, hopefully you're not fucking neanderthals. Married lovers will feel compelled to help but might not want to care too much [depending on their situation]. Same goes for single lovers though [depending on their situation and personality]. Whatever happens, be a gracious hostess at the end. Allow for a shower if need be and don't pry in his pants while he's in there -- that's stalking and that gets you nowhere but crazy. Make conversation if you want to or fall asleep. Feign interest if you want to, but let me tell you, post-coitus is a magnifying glass and falseness is more obvious. So, if you don't care about your lover, bypass trying to do so. It only sounds and looks like disinterest and that gets you no more lays. Walk your lover to the door when they leave - naked or dressed. It's just polite. Well wishes or wistfulness is appropriate. Clutching their ankles is not.

14) Rinse. Repeat.

per a request from a reader.

1 comment:

noman said...

I wish I had read this 30 years ago - it would have saved a lot of grief all the way around. Especially # 12 ("If you are in a part-time play with a married person, you will ruin it by turning it into love") and # 13. Ah, but I was so much older then...