Sunday, February 3, 2008

craig's sex - gotta keep it in check

Ok, so maybe I didn't need to do it. No, ok, I really didn't need to do it. But I did. There I was, rather satisfied by the neighbor and able to go back and actually concentrate on cybercrime and the European Commission. But there were reserves that had built up over time. Two weeks. And there was a spring fever wafting and crashing across the Atlantic from the US. My sister said it was 40F one day in Minneapolis. I was supposed to bear down and hunker in to studying, but I felt like a frilly skirt and a piece of sunshine. Plus, the Canuck two weeks earlier wasn't topping me off like I should be. So, really, did he count? Hm. Ok, no.

But the neighbor came through. And I actually had to stop him at a point. Frankly though, he wasn't doing it for me either. I had actually been plotting any possible way to get out of going to the sex baths with him. I just didn't feel like hopping from naked room to naked room: hot tub to sauna to steam room to sex cabin. I just didn't feel like it. I kept thinking of him and me, in the little nook in the wall, on the bare tile of the steam room. I was completely grossed out and couldn't stop thinking about the millions of pubic and head hairs on the tile and all the possible cum piled up in corners. And then the tiny space, and him, spread eagle open with his knees back and me bony parts elbow resting to try to suck him off. Yes, I often have fat trucker fantasies and greasy grimey alley fuck dreams, but these are the thoughts that haunted me from the baths. Not how lovely the ornamentation was or how wonderfully warm the water felt or how the sauna was just warm/cool enough to tolerate. (Probably because none of this was true: the hot tub was just chilly enough that you couldn't quite settle in for a nice, long soak or fuck. The sauna just a bit too hot that you couldn't have a suck off on the beach of Mexico.)

And maybe it's because it's my neighbor and I know he's not a superstar actor but he pretends that he's better than the bougies. I don't know, but now I'm really not as grateful as I should be and instead I've turned bratty and needy and high-and-mighty thinking I can do better.... (Or, maybe I was graciously, desperately thanking him and happily satisfied but simply wanted more and it's only now that I look back with slight distaste.)

Meanwhile, my US friend bound for work in Saudi Arabia (where porn is illegal) sent me all his porn on CD.

So, with a slight dampening (and whetting) of the appetite, the seventeen-year-old boy moved back inside my body, kicked his shoes off, grabbed a bowl of Doritos, snuck some of his old man's beer up to my brain, slipped off his jeans and sat in his boxers in front of the computer. I thought homework, time running out, all the wonderful things I'd do with free weekend days if I could just knock out these papers. Instead, my cock got hard in my pants, my mind flashed between cyber/sex cyber/crime cyber/cyborgs cyber/cunt cyberrubber cyber/focus on your paper! cyber/feel it in your pants!

I thought long and hard, and then not so hard, and decided to press "Post." I wanted a quick lay, but more importantly I had to ensure I would not be hung and dry like this again. Julien wasn't so tops. The Scot was unattainable, on the road, and in love with some French girl in Madrid. The Canuck was too young. The neighbor filled me well in times of void. But there had to be others and I had to be able to fit it in to my schedule and I had to have some luck doing it my way.

I'd been reading the M4W and W4M and Casual Encounters for days off and on as the seventeen-year-old whacked off all over me. (bdsm planning takes more involvement but I was also surfing over there quite a bit, too.) I knew I'd get some hits if I posted on CL and I had an imagination that there'd be a lot of wading through and sorting and laughing at replies.

My ad on Craig's List:

I would like to find a friend-with-benefits arrangement with a man who might have at least three of these characteristics: witty, brooding, sexy, funny, daring, confident. It would be even more delicious if he came with a dominant drive, naughty mind, other occupations in life, and is easy on the eyes.

I am at least three of these adjectives: spontaneous, sexy, lingual, intelligent, bold, athletic, cheeky.

I'm interested in men my own age or older, please think twice before contacting me if you're in your 20s. I don't have a lot of time in my week, am not interested in marriage (of convenience or inconvenience), and wouldn't mind if you were attached to another woman. This isn't an instant gratification announcement, I'd like to meet for a coffee to see if we are compatible. Hosting at my place isn't ideal, but can be considered. Please include a photo when responding.

And just for fun, additional points for those who can identify the people behind these quotes:

"I would give my bush, my tuft to eat to anybody I fancied, and if I felt the desire, [to] rough men who, however, don't ask for anything other than fucking the woman who offers herself asking nothing in return."

"In the morning I walked down the Boulevard to the Rue Soufflot for coffee and brioche. It was a fine morning. The horse-chestnut trees in the Luxembourg gardens were in bloom."

"One becomes aware in France, after having lived in America, that sex pervades the air. It's there all around you, like a fluid."

27 were deleted for failing the simple tests of answering the game and being older than in their 20's:

"cheeky? i believe i am." - with 2 photos, one of him showering (really, guys, it's not the first thing we want to see. have a bit of class.)


"very cool but u for sure got a million responces i live in 16 area if u have yahoo we can chat i have cam i dont want to write a lot because rather show all i am worth in person i am from uk and usa take care john" (cannot follow directions, does not get next step)


"there's no picture attached so i suppose i'll be
thrown in the bin straight away, but...

i am 32, 6 foot, 65kg, and any of the personality
characteristics would not be for me to say...

but I reckon it's Nin, Hemingway and Miller - how did
I do?

and i'll leave you with this since you like writing,
France and things physical:

....plura erant oscula quam sententiae; saepius ad
sinus quam ad libros reducebantur manus, crebrius
oculos amor in se reflectebat quam lectio in
scripturam dirigebat." (negativity isn't sexy, trying to guilt me is less sexy, latin is way less sexy -- though this exercept is hot)


"Hi There,
29 m american in paris here. i will be here for two
weeks. I am white, very fit, very clean looking for
some good clean nsa fun. Let me know if you are
interested and I will send you a pic.
Take Care,
John"(color-specific people aren't my bag of tricks, nor are clean looking people or people that specify that they are those things in the 3rd sentence of their introduction)


I saw your post and thought I would say hi...
write me back if your interested, maybe we can chat sometime" (this guy attached a photo of his financial-district-slick-hair-suited-specialness - while he followed the format, he also followed the format and thought I'd be salivating at his pic, too much ego)


"I was hesitant to contact you as, unfortunately, I don't spend that much time in Paris.

I say 'unfortunately' for the same reason that I decided to contact you: you sound like a very interesting person and, hey, correspondence is a start...

I would hope not to be too wide of the mark if I were to claim some measure of all of the characteristics you list, although it would be an unusually good day if I managed them all at once in any quantity!

I'm 38, attached, but looking to expand my horizons a little - we only go through this life once, and I would like to sample as much of it as I can get my hands on - to run barefoot through the green grass on the *other* side of the fence, just once in a while, while nobody is looking.

I get up to Paris on average once a month, for a week during which I work silly long hours, but I ought to be available for (and would be delighted to propose) a coffee or two (at least) during those times.

I didn't know any of your quotes, so I looked them up: I'd like to thank you for leading me to something I might otherwise have missed. "The Man from Albuquerque" passage is fierce and erotic, and I can picture myself in it as protagonist or voyeur, or object. I shall look out for more Julie Saget.

I have read very little Hemingway, probably because he was required English Literature reading, but feel inspired to have a look. Maybe I'll try The Sun Also Rises.

I've not knowingly read any Henry Miller, however he appears to have been very prolific, so who knows - maybe I have read some of his work. I stumbled upon the phrase "It is true I swim in a perpetual sea of sex but the actual excursions are fairly limited", which struck a chord - it is to avoid such a situation that I am here...

I've attached a photo, in the hope that it tells you something useful.

I particularly liked yours: I would love to know the circumstances under which it was taken." (I liked this guy, but he lacked some kind of ... naturalness, joie de vivre, like I could sense this was his first foray into 'cheating' and he felt like it was 'cheating' already and he was a little too structured in his delivery for that.)


"Little idea regarding the first but Ernest and Henry most definitely are behind the other two.

So excited to make your acquaintance, albeit over mail. Such is life these days.

People have described me (if I may say so) as: adventurous, passionate and driven. Now I can understand if at least one of these may put you off but I am extremely open minded.

I am 35, I'd say progressing well in life, no hang ups but very keen on going on a journey of discovery in my life.

Hence me contacting. You sound interesting and seductive. Coffee would be great.

Picture will certainly improve in quality with one of yours!

talk soon." ("such is life these days" - god, I can hear the burdened sigh of depression and tragedy. Put me off? Lord. Don't be so dramatic. Who describes living as "progressing well"? Sigh. If I had the time, I'd date him just to make him feel better about things but I don't have time to light those kind of furnaces.)


"Hi, [the structure of this email was formatted like an official letter with double-spacing between introduction and closing; I've re-sized for brevity]

What about meeting up with a funny charming french gentleman ??

Located in NYC but in Paris at the moment, single, non smoker, in very good shape, classy, educated clean cut professional.

Also an investment banker but not the typical one, I have many interets : contemporary art (I have a few paintings at home), music (I love going to concerts), travelling to exotic destinations (was in Bahrain and New Zealand very recently Japan and China lately) and sport (I am a keen golfer, also play tennis, go to the gym very regularly). I like the finer things in life but am still very much down to earth.

I am serious too about what I am looking for, upscale, educated, real and very well manered people.

I am very good looking, brown eyed, caucasian, height-weight proportionate at about 6' and 175 lbs, 40.

I am also proud to tell you I read your post entirely :

The third quote is from Henry Miller…… I love the Letters to Anaïs Nin,even if this quote is not from that book.

The second quote is from Ernest Hemingway in “The sun also rises”

And unfortunately, I don’t know the first one…….. Nobody’s perfect ;-)

Hope you will be interested and I look forward to hearing form you." (Nice guy, I'm definitely not what he's looking for, and I think he's wound too tightly and secretly wants to be spanked while wearing my lacy thong. And, you're right, nobody's perfect but some of us don't worry about it.)


"Hello -

I travel to Paris on occasion and would enjoy having you as a F-w-B. I am married (w/girlfriend) handsome 45 yr-old, 5'8", 180 lbs with brown (s&p) hair and green eyes, masculine, dominant (in a nice sensual way). Nicely endowed. Well-read and traveled. Yes, married 20 years, and have a girlfriend (well, another F-w-B situation) who occasionally travels with me and enjoys women as well ... am very discreet and can host in my 7th etage hotel. Adventurous, educated, world experienced, nice, funny, horny and "comfortable."

My pictures when you find the time to reply.

John" (I'm just not interested in joining a harem or being encouraged to join in his bi-girl fantasy. And, he missed the mark on the photo.)


"hi !
I live in Paris, I'm a 32 years old man. I've lived + worked in the US a couple years ago.

(Short) Resume :
- doctorate studies at XYZ school in PDQ
- steady job : ABC in BCD
- loves to travel : I've been to many foreign countries. I have lived abroad in numerous countries including the USA.
- hobbies : photography, museums (orsay, louvre ...), castles, exhibitions, music performing ...

You can find some pic of mine here:

If you don't reply to this message, well ... good luck on your search.

Cheers from Paris,
j." (Nice of him to wish me well. A resume? Hm.. and what will castles have to do with the friends with benefits? Well, I guess there's the friends part, yes, that's true. He does sound good, but there's no photo attached.)


"Would you be willing to meet a well educated married man with alot of the traits that you desire. I am in search of new experiences and adventure with the right woman in Paris. You may be the chosen one. If interested please write back, and I will send a picture. We could meet at the Starbucks for coffee on Avenue Victor Hugo or you name the place! I am on a long term expat assignment and I live in the 18th.
John" (Honey, I am the chosen one - there's no maybe in this. No photo.)


I am really into your email. I am very much looking for a friends with benefits situation. I am older (early 40), smart, sharp and sexy. I am pretty fit, attractive and energetic. I am attached and don't have much time either. I am not looking to change my situation. But, I just want more. I want to feel the charge of being with someone new and to feel the exciting of passionate kissing and licking. I have never done this before. Maybe we can arrange our schedules so that we can work each other into our schedules. I would be a very attentive lover.
Let me know if you want to meet.

followed 11 minutes later with "You know what...I could probably meet earlier than sunday. Tomorrow?" (Slow sinking into desperateness - not hot. No photo. Plus, I want less instant gratification, more longer time reliability. Less me sparking his dimmed life, more mutual gratification.)


"your different statements are wonderful, I would be thus interesting in commucating with you.
My address email is What about a chat on messenger before arraging an appointment?
Jean" (Oh the French, so cute in their language. Would you thus be interested in me? And shall we chat before setting an appointment? ... no photo)


I am 28 m french... living in LA, but "back home" for 2 weeks of holidays.
Care to meet?" (looking for longer term, no photo)


"As your post was probably not real..I am just going to be a fool and take the chance and see what could happen..29 American blk professional male working and living here in Paris..Fun and down to earth..very funny and love to have a great time with great people...Looking to make a friend that is cool and i work alot and hardly have time to myself let alone going out to meet a people i have to resort to looking on CL to maybe find a person that can have more to say big is your cock...So i will try this out if you are serious ..I will respond back with pics." (How big is your cock? ... You forgot to include a photo of it. Plus, you're still in your 20's.)


A couple of guys (in their 20's) replied and included the full quotes and highlighted the names afterward like it was some kind of exam. Sad. One guy who sent an email (which was about how he likes being with 'older women' at his oh-so-young 25 years - c'mon.. 7 years? if you really like 'older women' you know not to call them 'older women') followed up his reply by accidentally calling me Trinity. Hm. As in Neo's Trinity? Hot.



I must assume that a douzens of guys answered to your mail but I feel like I should send you one.

fun, laidback, outgoing male in Paris = it's me.

I would be glad to have a chance of having a coffe with you even thought I know you will first think I'm way too young for you.

I guess I might have some of the characteristics you think a man should have ;-)

I'm a 22 years old student (finance) and I'm sure that none of the other freaks who answered you before know that you were talking about Hemingway and Henry Miller.....

So feel free to write me back and why not trying to give me a chance just to see what happen ?

Voici une photo de moi,


John" (It's not nice to name call. Shame on you. Now go stand in the corner while I call your mummy.)



That is a very nice posting. I am an americain/irlandais living here in the 7th and working in the 16th and I can identify with, but not identify, the quotes. If i failed the test I am perhaps not worthy, but it is a very cool post nonetheless." (Hm. I kind of like the self-deprecating humor of the northern European, but it wasn't working here. No photo.)


A very large Asian American guy emailed me with his email name being "Tom Jones" - got me all excited that Tom Jones was in Paris reading the CL dates and wanted to hook up. Bummer. (Only in town for the weekend, sounds a bit seedy.)


Of course, as I make fun of people we all know it's a sign of insecurity. I know this. I am insecure. And each of these guys - you could say - put it on the line to go out on a date with me. Nice of them. But after the ad only being up for 12 hours, I had to have a system for making the cuts. I want/ed to reply to each to explain but I don't have that time. God, don't guilt me about how it's only going to make them feel more insecure because it's probably not. They probably all thought I was a hooker anyway. but so there you go. Perhaps you can take a lesson here, although not as if I speak for the entire woman population. I was lucky to get so many replies. You'll have to check back to see the ones who got replies from me and to hear about my Friday afternoon to Saturday morning. .... I have to watch myself. I'm not a sex addict. If I were it wouldn't matter who I was fucking or how. I'm an orgasm addict, which makes me a bit more picky and a bit more addictive. Cause when it's good - oh. oh. oh. God, it's so good.


a said...

I think back to seemingly a million years ago, and cringe at my own writing.

At least there was a short correspondence.

This was an interesting post for oh-so-many reasons...

Siddhartha journey said...

I deeply agree with your last words:
When it is good, really good you may say: